Amaranth

If you want the truth, child
Let me tell you,
It's very much like an affliction,
Like a jackpot,
Like cancer,
Like a car accident,
Like your existence,

There's no reason for everything.
The world does not owe you an answer.
Life doesn't owe you a thing.

mata, hati, dan api

nun jauh kuterjah
matamu
bibirmu
rambutmu
betismu
pahamu
dadamu
terawang jiwaku lincah
panas nafasku
persis api neraka.

milik siapa

hati yang tak tertakhluk
kosong, tak berbentuk
cari, cari cinta
bukan pada makluk
cari, cari jiwa
bukan pada dunia
cari, cari harta
bukan pada harga

Hearteostasis

one glance, one look
never enough
never forget, never forgive
forever I sinned
here, in the land of dreamless slumber
eternal and everlast
thus I am god of the world I own.

madah pembinasa

mulut manis
bibir merah rekah
hati hitam haram jadah.

rambut sama hitam
punggung sama legam
belakang sesama tikam.

berdiri sama tinggi
duduk sama rendah
betina sama kekah

buai laju-laju
sampai pokok sana
apa dalam baju
woi bajukah lagi tu??

Stasis

Madness it is
I know, don't you ever tell me

Least I care
The more I bear
For all these truths
I cannot bare
For all the sins
I couldn't spare

Stasis

I am here to stay
yet
I have nothing to say


Dedicated to you. You know. You always do. I do.

Iliupersis

Evil
often, rarely seldom
often, you couldn't fathom
engulf you
embrace you
smother you

with the face of an angel.

Politics

Pointing out to people that politics is dirty

or

How love is heart breaking

or

Why people have to go to war

or

Why there's an end to everything


is just as redundant as asking


Why does my shit smell?

Hedonism

Man just wants to be happy. But society wants him to be good. And when he's good, Man is rarely happy. But when he's happy, he's always good.

Henry Wotton

...or reality now?

Portrait

I am one of those people who seldom smile when photographed. I wonder if it's related to my personal beliefs. I don't believe in perfection of pictures. When I see a great photo, the first thing that comes to my mind, "What's beneath that smile? Is the person as happy as he or she portrays?"

There must be stories beneath each picture. Be it dark or bright as day.

An example of this, I use to wonder who took a particular picture. If he is not a photographer or at least into photography, why is he taking the picture? Don't they think that he or she might want to be in that picture too? Is he/she isolated, a pushover or something? Or the others think he/she is too ugly to be in that picture? That's not so good, right?

But in the simplest words, regardless of my arguments, I am not photogenic. Hahahah!

eat shit

now

murderers want to be the saints and the proper

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

EAT SHIT!

why bother what people could see than what you really do?

God is a forgiver

but men's heart rarely do

deep inside you rot and stink

deep inside you know it fucking well don't you?

Hahahahahahahahaha

fortitude

time waits for no one

yet there he stood grittily

a dweller of void emotions

a fucking complexity

beyond repair.

beyond redemption.

khabarkan berita

kala izrail memanggil mu
dan kamu jadi jadi bukan kamu
hanya satu kupohon ya tuhan

meski aku hanyut kejauhan
meski aku leka kealpaan

kau ringankanlah sakitnya
kau permudahkanlah urusannya
kau tempatkanlah dia dimana sempurna

pergi engkau biar aku
khabarkan berita baik untukmu
ceritakan berita indah tentangmu
lupakan yang keruh aku, kamu

kerna hari ini hari kau
hari ini pergi kau
entah esok entah bila
hariku pergi tak terjangkau

Tribute to Mohammad Arif Azman who once taught me literature. He passed away today due to brain dead.

Of Honesty

"If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything."

Mark Twain, 1894

Personal God

A subconscious blasphemy you made up to justify your wrongdoings.

How do you fear sin?

To please the mortal eyes

or

the Lord?

Cabin Fever

I hate

mobile phones

IM

Facebook

I hate

people.

Personal Truth #1

The moment I stop writing, that means nothing else but

I've completely shut myself off from the world.

Absolution

Even if your God hath offered you absolution

never will you wipe away all your sins from men's hearts.

Existentialism and Everyday Human Events

It's funny when you get older; coming late and not coming to class gives you the looks and talks, like you kill somebody's pet.

It's funny when you get older you fear those silly little things you did; jumping off a train, coming to classes in vain, dancing in the rain--

It's funny when you get older you're suddenly in the standards; what the fuck is being adults what the fuck is being childish--

What can I say when what matters doesn't matter anymore.

What matters at all.

dengkur sang dunia

krrrrooohhhhhhh
dengkur sang dunia

brrrrosssshhhhh wooosssshhhhh
kyaaaahhhhh
(tiada kimmochi di sini okay)

jerit si jepang
ribuan nyawa terbang
satu dunia bimbang

zzzzzzzzzzzzz
sang dunia kembali lena
dengkurnya makin kerap
makin hampir
makin singkat

tapi kita masih terkinja-kinja.