madah pembinasa

mulut manis
bibir merah rekah
hati hitam haram jadah.

rambut sama hitam
punggung sama legam
belakang sesama tikam.

berdiri sama tinggi
duduk sama rendah
betina sama kekah

buai laju-laju
sampai pokok sana
apa dalam baju
woi bajukah lagi tu??

Stasis

Madness it is
I know, don't you ever tell me

Least I care
The more I bear
For all these truths
I cannot bare
For all the sins
I couldn't spare

Stasis

I am here to stay
yet
I have nothing to say


Dedicated to you. You know. You always do. I do.

Iliupersis

Evil
often, rarely seldom
often, you couldn't fathom
engulf you
embrace you
smother you

with the face of an angel.

Politics

Pointing out to people that politics is dirty

or

How love is heart breaking

or

Why people have to go to war

or

Why there's an end to everything


is just as redundant as asking


Why does my shit smell?

Hedonism

Man just wants to be happy. But society wants him to be good. And when he's good, Man is rarely happy. But when he's happy, he's always good.

Henry Wotton

...or reality now?

Portrait

I am one of those people who seldom smile when photographed. I wonder if it's related to my personal beliefs. I don't believe in perfection of pictures. When I see a great photo, the first thing that comes to my mind, "What's beneath that smile? Is the person as happy as he or she portrays?"

There must be stories beneath each picture. Be it dark or bright as day.

An example of this, I use to wonder who took a particular picture. If he is not a photographer or at least into photography, why is he taking the picture? Don't they think that he or she might want to be in that picture too? Is he/she isolated, a pushover or something? Or the others think he/she is too ugly to be in that picture? That's not so good, right?

But in the simplest words, regardless of my arguments, I am not photogenic. Hahahah!

eat shit

now

murderers want to be the saints and the proper

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

EAT SHIT!

why bother what people could see than what you really do?

God is a forgiver

but men's heart rarely do

deep inside you rot and stink

deep inside you know it fucking well don't you?

Hahahahahahahahaha

fortitude

time waits for no one

yet there he stood grittily

a dweller of void emotions

a fucking complexity

beyond repair.

beyond redemption.

khabarkan berita

kala izrail memanggil mu
dan kamu jadi jadi bukan kamu
hanya satu kupohon ya tuhan

meski aku hanyut kejauhan
meski aku leka kealpaan

kau ringankanlah sakitnya
kau permudahkanlah urusannya
kau tempatkanlah dia dimana sempurna

pergi engkau biar aku
khabarkan berita baik untukmu
ceritakan berita indah tentangmu
lupakan yang keruh aku, kamu

kerna hari ini hari kau
hari ini pergi kau
entah esok entah bila
hariku pergi tak terjangkau

Tribute to Mohammad Arif Azman who once taught me literature. He passed away today due to brain dead.

Of Honesty

"If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything."

Mark Twain, 1894

Personal God

A subconscious blasphemy you made up to justify your wrongdoings.

How do you fear sin?

To please the mortal eyes

or

the Lord?

Cabin Fever

I hate

mobile phones

IM

Facebook

I hate

people.

Personal Truth #1

The moment I stop writing, that means nothing else but

I've completely shut myself off from the world.

Absolution

Even if your God hath offered you absolution

never will you wipe away all your sins from men's hearts.

Existentialism and Everyday Human Events

It's funny when you get older; coming late and not coming to class gives you the looks and talks, like you kill somebody's pet.

It's funny when you get older you fear those silly little things you did; jumping off a train, coming to classes in vain, dancing in the rain--

It's funny when you get older you're suddenly in the standards; what the fuck is being adults what the fuck is being childish--

What can I say when what matters doesn't matter anymore.

What matters at all.

dengkur sang dunia

krrrrooohhhhhhh
dengkur sang dunia

brrrrosssshhhhh wooosssshhhhh
kyaaaahhhhh
(tiada kimmochi di sini okay)

jerit si jepang
ribuan nyawa terbang
satu dunia bimbang

zzzzzzzzzzzzz
sang dunia kembali lena
dengkurnya makin kerap
makin hampir
makin singkat

tapi kita masih terkinja-kinja.

pelangi hitam

pelangi hitam
bernaung di ufuk jingga
menari di lubuk hati
meluru, membuta rasa
menutup tembok hati
hari-hari, kian mati
gelap, tak kunjung pergi.

Hantu

dari jauh kulihat kamu

biar hati rindu, lidah kelu

biar mata kelabu, hati batu

kerna percaya aku, yang jadi itu, ada perlu

dan kekal aku

menjadi hantu  perindu

hingga akhir waktu.

Tiada Yang Free

weh
mana ada benda free

semua kena bayar
teh, gula, biskut, tayar, selipar
semua kena bayar

lepas tu
bukan setakat kena bayar
makin hari naik harga
sampai tak terbayar

semua kena bayar

revolusi juga kena bayar
dan seperti teh, gula, biskut, tayar, selipar
makin banyak darah yang akan mengalir
kerana semuanya perlu dibayar

Fungsi

eh, saya suka semut
pasal semut itu beramai-ramai mengutip

biskut Oreo

yang pecah, retak, belah

yang saya malas sapu
dan tertumpah atas meja.

Glossary

As you can see, each entry in this blog is tagged with weird Labels called Spirulina. It has got nothing to do with that slimming herb. Just because it rhymes with Spiral. So here, whether you really care about it or not, I'm going to explain what each Spirulina means (and of course so I myself will remember what it means).

Adrift
Entries labeled with adrift can be poems, or just a pattern of sentences which doesn't rhyme. Adrift means, it was written freely, without planning but written by going with the flow-- Personally that's how I write most of the time. It could also mean it was written when I feel lost, a bit melancholic, romantic perhaps. Hahaha

Anthem
Some songs that I like which I might post in Black Spiral. Well, some of you do like posting song lyrics in your blog, right? Honestly, that sucks.

Black Spiral
Entries labeled with Black Spiral are mostly confusing that I myself might have trouble understanding what in the world I had written. It could mean something or nothing at all. Sometimes it is personal. Too personal perhaps.

Borrowed
Quotes or words by other wonderful people I stumbled upon. I don't copy words from other people and claim that it's mine and everyone should do that too, especially if you bitch too much about perspectives.

Fucktard
Fucked up shit which I don't really mean or really stupid things I just want to write down. Beware, it is often revolting.

Opinion
My opinion and perspective on random subjects, written in few sentences.

Rebel Yell
Because the world is humorous?

Tidbits
Really short entries, similar to Opinion but usually it's in one sentence. Sometimes I'll be the only person who's able to understand it-- hey that's stupid but who cares.

Hi Ronie

bukan Veronica yang voluptuous itu
bukan itu, tapi ini

bagaimanakah kau tahu ertinya hidup
kalau kau tidak pernah mati?
tidak, bukan sekadar mendekati
tidak, bukan sekadar mati pada hati

kau tidak tahu
kau tidak tahu

kau sang redundant
sampah, jika kau sayangi sesuatu bila hilang ia
sampah, kau terhantuk sudah baru kau tengadah

kau tidak tahu
kau tidak tahu

ahh, sampai mati juga kau tidak tahu.

Half Empty Glass (with a little hope)

For an optimist, once his dream is crushed to nothingness, unalterable beyond means and power, that's the end of their optimism. Thus, instead of delusions of grandeur, they become delusional realist.

And I believe that's what's happening to me.

Repost: Coma and only

For heaven's sake I know surely

these unending thoughts match that of thee

either none or infinity

beyond or within sanity

concluding this complexity

Faces, they disguise too perfectly

thoughts, into corners they hid discreetly

peeking, stalking beneath uncertainty

through spoken words blurted unwittingly

really, ask me, choke me

none I wish but be alive shall thee

be merry, more than ever could any

if not then it shall be me not thee

away and away that's where I shall be.

Repost: Garisan Abstrak

sendiri aku di ruang ini

mencari logik dan alasan

keliru tak berperasaan

untuk aku, begini

ingin ku cari

apa makna dibalik senyum

asyik dikuntum

walau buta apa terpateri

aku ingin erti

berlari kala senja

sembunyi bawah pelangi

lupa dan lupa segalanya

aku kadang benci

menjadi pacal dunia

mencari bayang sorga

esok lusa dan lagi

*Title tribute to Bin Jidan

The Burdened

Dear world

trust me these words are bold

and these words I can't hold

how I wish I can turn everything left unfold

Dear, I gotta go

nothing matters, today or tomorrow

I know it's hurt to forgo

this heavenly venom I borrow

Leave me, forget me.

Love me, loath me.

Hold me, bury me.

Repost: Warna

warna itu bagiku

hanya sekadar garisan

pada raut wajah

yang sirna cerita

tapi bawa seribu makna

beri aku

masa dan ketika

biar hilang separuh jiwa.

Repost: Chicken Shit

siapa kata kita benar
bila kita selindung dalam gebar
siapa kata kita berani
kalau kita tidak benar
siapa kita cakap besar
kalau hati bagai selumbar
siapa benar siapa salah
semua pun bullshit lah
chicken shit
you know chicken shit

Salak

dia
seorang anjing
benar, seorang anjing

benar, kau benar Terrier
tunduk, akur dia menyalak
yes sir, yes sir

salah, kau salah Rottweiler
tunduk, akur dia menyalak
yes sir yes sir

duduk, kau duduk Husky
tunduk, akur dia menyalak
yes sir, yes sir

sampai mati
dia tetap anjing yang sama
dia tidak menjadi serigala.

Tiada Subjek

tak sama dengan kamu
tak sampai
hanya mimpi
berkecai

tapi
kekal
abadi
dalam mimpi, dalam hati

maka
sempurna
tiada akhir.

Will

jika satu hari aku tiada
jangan hilangkan kata-kataku
biar mereka terapung di alam maya

oh dan juga
kamu harus tahu, hanya kamu okeh

saat hujung nyawa itu
kamu orang pertama aku ingat
selepas tuhan, ibu dan ayah.

Mark Twain lagi

My kind of loyalty was loyalty to one's country, not to its institutions or its officeholders. The country is the real thing, the substantial thing, the eternal thing; it is the thing to watch over, and care for, and be loyal to; institutions are extraneous, they are its mere clothing, and clothing can wear out, become ragged, cease to be comfortable, cease to protect the body from winter, disease, and death.

Ruin

An enemy can partly ruin a man, but it takes a good-natured injudicious friend to complete the thing and make it perfect.

Mark Twain

Foresee-nication

Sometimes knowing too much will eventually kill you.

Kusut

datang dan pergimu ibarat ribut
lenyap kau
namun bekasnya masih di sini

Mangkuk

Mangkuk satu

kepada

Mangkuk dua

Wei mangkuk.

Go dai pliz.

Anjing dan Babi

Jilat bontot lagi
Lagi
Lagi
Lagi

Jilat sampai berkilat.

Sampai perut kau berisi.

Sakit Otak

Hai
saya sakit otak

kerana saya nampak lebih banyak yang salah dari yang betul

kerana saya rasa kamu tipu

Kamu bagaimana?

Paradox

Disagreeing just for the sake of disagreeing

is plain mental!

Burn Out

Obey
Obey
Obey
That's education

Believe
Believe
Believe
That's education

Discreet despotism.

Hanyut

carilah syurga di telapak kaki dunia
nescaya tak ketemu
menarilah, laungkanlah dalam kehanyutan jwamu
lupakan esok lusa
lupakan jalan kembali

No, just no.

Bahahahaha

Wonder

Sometimes I wonder why such cunt could be so alive.

Ahh bother.

They're everywhere.

Never Forget

“Love is as much of an object as an obsession, everybody wants it everybody seeks it, but few ever achieve it, those who do, will cherish it, be lost in it, and among all, will never...never forget it.”

Curtis Judalet

Rain

I thought I wanna see her again today.

Suddenly it's raining.

Sigh.

Between Sadness and Anger

Rather than drowning in sadness and submitting to my own powerlessness over certain things.

I prefer to be angry and rude.

With that I find my key to madness.

With madness I sow the seeds of hatred.

With hatred I could forget.

When I forget then nothing will hurt me.

Education

in this country is meant to create ass-wipes. But a few fail because they broke the mold and be awesome instead.

Risk

Don't live your life like a boring little cunt.

Who cares what you do?

Who cares about you?

I Beg to Differ

and I want to break myself away from this bullshit.

I refuse to kneel to this merciless bureaucracy.

You know well what the future promises.

But you just can't stop it.

But I beg to differ.

I will.

And you will see that pretty soon.

Faith #2

What if one day you wake up in your bed and discover the faith you held close for so long, since the day you were born;

is actually wrong.

No matter how you felt right about it.
That you are going to hell for that reason. The same faith your mom and dad believed in.

And God forbid; if there's no actual religion at all. You'll just die in your grave, rot, your lifeless vessel will be eaten my maggots and your destination is nowhere.

Shoving religion to people's throat is wrong.

Because all of us wanted to believe what we believe is right.

Faith without precedence of doubt is not true faith. It's fanaticism. That's why politics is always in motion with religions-- The greatest tool of exploitation.

Faith without prior doubt is

strong, obsessed, wrong, baseless and exploitable.

You were in it by chance. Hence, you'll never value something you didn't toil for, didn't suffer for.

Diseased faith.

#Love

There may be a phase in your life when you'll find that...

You're incapable of love.

Why the heck should you try to fix something that is not broken?

If a heart should hurt, why risk to break it in the first place?

Marriage

is what you do to conform to society's expectations.

In its most basic form, it's just a license for copulation.

#Life

To be truly alive is to do everything without a tint of regret.

Sanity

is for the weak.

Consumerism

Do shitty work to eat food which will turn to shit, to persevere in a shitty life you held on just to constantly buy shitty things you don't need.

Faster Than The Speed of Love

That's the title of a book Brian wrote in Family Guy series.

What's it about actually? Fragility of mortal love and hopeless desires?

I hope all of you are damned.

Faith #1

Faith that comes without the precedence of doubt is fanaticism.

The cheapest, most exploitable form of faith mankind had ever known.

The Ruffian's Anthem

Perfect song to describe how my brain works.

So fucking what?

Well, I've been to Hastings
And I've been to Brighton
I've been to Eastbourne too
So what, so what

And I've been here
And I've been there
And I've been every fucking where
So what, so what

So what, so what, you boring little cunt
Who cares, who care's what you do?
And who cares, who cares about you?
You, you, you, you

And I sucked sweets
And I sucked rock
And I even sucked an old man's cock
So what, so what

And I've fucked a sheep
And I've fucked a goat
I've had my cock right down its throat
So what, so what

So what, so what, you boring little cunt
Who cares, who cares what you do?
Who cares, who cares about you?
You, you, you, you

And I've drunk that
And I've drunk this
I've spewed up on a pint of piss
So what, so what

And I've had scag
I've had speed
I've jacked up until I bleed
So what, so what

So what, so what, you boring little cunt
Who cares, who care's what you do?
Who cares, who cares about you?
You, you, you, you

Well I've had crabs
And I've had lice
And I've had the pox and that ain't nice
So what, so what

And I've fucked this
And I've fucked that
And I've even fucked a schoolgirl's twat
So what, so what

So what, so what, you boring little cunt
Who cares, who cares about you?
Who cares, who cares about you?
You, you, you, you

Statisticism

Death.
If it's just you, it's a tragedy, a dilemma, well for a glimpse of moment; yet fragile and forgettable. Disposable even.

If it's hundreds, thousands or millions. It's just fucking numbers. Statistic.

Or better yet a breaking news on newspaper headline.

Black Spiral

Hello there.

This blog is an alternate personality of ComaBlackWhite, for those familiar with that blog. Thanks for reading and following. CBW evolved from a personal, collective rants of teen angst and bad poetry to a blog with very random contents, occasionally poking at current issues and dilemmas.

However, during that process it began to lose its personal touch. Hence, the birth of this blog which I randomly call alter-persona. A blog specifically designed for more personal content.

Black Spiral is the name I thought of based on this notebook I just bought. The front cover is black, with a round, black and white spiral drawn in the middle. Simple much yet it somehow explains my permanent state of mind.

So, welcome.